No, this post isn't another autopsy of Katie and Peter. For a few years now, I have started to liken a lot of things in life to relationships. I have a strange feeling that this may coincide with my recent discovery, some might say obsession, of Sex And The City. My assay of SATC and its impact on modern every day life - women, men, friendship, cocktail menus - must be saved for another day.
I'm rambling here about change, and why it is so difficult to do - either to oneself or to someone else. I realise there are a plethora of models, hypotheses etc on the subject but I still don't quite get it. Is it really just about comfort zone, dislike of being changed, fear of the unknown, difficulty of learning new things, not believing that the trade off of the new benefits are worth losing the old? I used to believe one or all of those reasons but now I'm really not sure.
Recently, I broke up with my employer. Why was it such a difficult decision? Generally I have always sought change because I believe it is key to becoming a bigger, and more fulfilled person. There is, however, something about throwing the baby out with the bathwater, that comes with change. Just like an episode of SATC (sorry), when SJP has to finish with a guy who has "performance issues", she is actually more upset about ending her new friendship with his mother. When something changes, you undoubtedly lose something. The baby in the bathwater with a job might be the people, the short commute, the perks, your uber-cool boss. I mean, who would ever be able to leave the Googleplex, with its free dry-cleaning, gourmet meals and swimming pools?
Is it really down to that - fear of losing more than you gain? Is it really just a logical, even if subconscious, thought process that weighs up the old vs the new. I have no qualms admitting that I am a hopeless optimist. Now, don't get me wrong, I take a very analytical, rational approach to decisions. But I tend to err on the side of "this will turn out OK because ....... and even if it isn't, then I will ....."
So perhaps positivity plays a big part in how people deal with change (I think Seligman might agree), and why I tend to embrace the new. That, and the knowledge that I am in control of my destiny, whatever happens.
More on change another day
Hi Sheryl,
ReplyDeletePart baby, part bathwater here. Hope you're enjoying your new job.
Your blog inspired the old gang to coerce me into starting my own. Oddly it's called Life of a Pessimist (I was being ironic because Seligman has taught me a thing or two about optimism).
Be lucky...