Breaking Up is Never Easy

No, this post isn't another autopsy of Katie and Peter. For a few years now, I have started to liken a lot of things in life to relationships. I have a strange feeling that this may coincide with my recent discovery, some might say obsession, of Sex And The City. My assay of SATC and its impact on modern every day life - women, men, friendship, cocktail menus - must be saved for another day.

I'm rambling here about change, and why it is so difficult to do - either to oneself or to someone else. I realise there are a plethora of models, hypotheses etc on the subject but I still don't quite get it. Is it really just about comfort zone, dislike of being changed, fear of the unknown, difficulty of learning new things, not believing that the trade off of the new benefits are worth losing the old? I used to believe one or all of those reasons but now I'm really not sure.

Recently, I broke up with my employer. Why was it such a difficult decision? Generally I have always sought change because I believe it is key to becoming a bigger, and more fulfilled person. There is, however, something about throwing the baby out with the bathwater, that comes with change. Just like an episode of SATC (sorry), when SJP has to finish with a guy who has "performance issues", she is actually more upset about ending her new friendship with his mother. When something changes, you undoubtedly lose something. The baby in the bathwater with a job might be the people, the short commute, the perks, your uber-cool boss. I mean, who would ever be able to leave the Googleplex, with its free dry-cleaning, gourmet meals and swimming pools?

Is it really down to that - fear of losing more than you gain? Is it really just a logical, even if subconscious, thought process that weighs up the old vs the new. I have no qualms admitting that I am a hopeless optimist. Now, don't get me wrong, I take a very analytical, rational approach to decisions. But I tend to err on the side of "this will turn out OK because ....... and even if it isn't, then I will ....."

So perhaps positivity plays a big part in how people deal with change (I think Seligman might agree), and why I tend to embrace the new. That, and the knowledge that I am in control of my destiny, whatever happens.

More on change another day

Summer Reading

I'm certain there is a snazzier title in here somewhere but I merely want to spend 10 minutes musing over just that...my Summer reading list. Actually, its my holiday list to be precise. For as much as I would love to have time in the day to curl up in a bug cosy fleece and fluffy slippers with a mug of cocoa, it just never happens. There is always something else to do.

Unless, of course, I am far away from that thing that needs doing. En vacance, I spend roughly 50% of my time reading - at the beach, by the pool, at breakfast. The OTM book is only banished in the evening, and if I am exploring wherever it is in the world I am.

I think you can see that this two week reading window of opportunity is critical to the success of the holiday as well as reminding me how to read, topping up my literary intake, stimulating my thinking and self-development, and enabling me to converse with the chattering classes (that last one was a joke), so this takes some thinking about beforehand. It cant just be thrown together, and I certainly cannot simply grab whatever is on special offer at the Waterstones at the airport.

So, what is on the list? Well, there is some logic to it. I always take a mixture of deep vs shallow, trite vs serious, fact vs fiction, corporate vs real life. Right at the very top of my list, which I will start with to help the wind down is He's just not that into you. I have already read the introductions and it is laugh out loud funny. I may follow that with Shopaholic and Baby (yes, you read right). I'll have you know I was probably one of the first to read Shopaholic (and the follow-on's) many many years ago, probably when Isla Fisher was still wearing a checkered summer dress on Home and Away. I always take a salacious biography, and I'm currently torn between Russell Brand and Dawn French. Then onto the business books that will be fortunate enough to make it into the critical collection. My rule is that they must be easy reads, with concepts and principles that relate to every day life. So in the past, Tipping Point, Funky Business and Blink have all made it onto the list. This year's choice is easy. I need to buy The Long Tail in paperback (luggage allowance-friendly) so that I can finally finish it. I will also add Chris Anderson's new book - Free. I will complete my literary summer holiday with The White Tiger, and White Teeth - a bit like watching big Oscar winners, I like to give critically acclaimed reads a try. The jokers in the pack (two of them) are The Accidental Billionaires (beginnings of facebook) and Bringing Down The House (the book behind the film 21, which I saw recently).

The very task of pulling this incredibly important list cannot be underestimated - this is essentially a years worth of reading, compressed into two precious weeks. Fab!!!

I heart New York

I have run on and off for about 12 years now, and am currently very much in the "on" position. I run four or five times a week and am keen to run another major city marathon, having completed my first in New York a couple of years ago.

So, imagine my disappointment when I found out I hadn't managed to get a place in the ballot for this year's marathon. To say I was GUTTED, would be an understatement. The very polite email comes through which starts off "Thank you for applying...blah blah blah". You know very well from this opening line that you haven't made it. And then imagine my horror... I mean, delight, of course, when I saw the opening line in the email to my novice husband's entry "Congratulations. You have been accepted...blah blah blah". This is so not fair!!!!!

I have spent the past few weeks in my own little Kubler Ross change curve of emotions - denial - not quite believing that he had been successful on his first application, when he is nowhere near as passionate, has not entered for NYC and London marathons 3 times each, as I have, is not as dedicated to running, and in no way hearts NYC as much as I do - it is my spiritual home. I really was expecting a follow up email which said there had been a mistake. Anger had to be suppressed as I had to be happy for hubby, as a supportive partner (Yeah, right!). Depression - I decided I wouldn't even bother going. I was trying to be so blasé about the whole thing, so suggested he could go and make a "boys' weekend" out of it (Yeah, right!). And finally acceptance. I am truly happy for him because it will be an amazing life experience. And I will be there to cheer him on, as he was for me two years ago when I choked up at the sight of him cheering me on at the end of the Queensboro Bridge (a very tough mile 16)... New York, here we come :)

No Man is an Island

Or so the saying goes. But when I watched the recent BBC documentary celebrating 50 years of Island Records, I decided that Chris Blackwell probably was Island.

In a fantastic, and at times whimsical journey through the label's inception, highs, lows and transition to mainstream corporate, Chris Blackwell's influence, ethos and free-spiritedness was evident throughout.

The uber-cool bands and artists waxed lyrical about the environment that brought out the best in them, gave them freedom and space to be creative and make music in their own time. I couldn't help but contrast this happy recollection with some of the headline grabbers of unhappy marriages over the years, think Prince and Warner Bros, George Michael and Sony.

Now, I'm sure it wasn't all sweetness and light every day, at Island Records. But there certainly seemed to be something magical about the formula. And I'm pretty sure that this was fundamentally down to Blackwell. Bono summed it up well when he said "it was about the culture, not the money". How many businesses would love to create something that is successful, exciting, fun; a company that has people clamouring to work there. For me, the answer lies in one of the many myths of business - that people go to work to make money, not to have fun, and that the two are mutually exclusive. Call me naive, but I disagree, and Island Records was a sassy beacon of light in an ocean of dull and dreary corporate ocean. Island - we salute you!

Britain's Got Wot???

Well, another helping of laugh at them, cry with them, reality TV masquerading as talent-seeking, has just come to a somewhat sorry end.

Now I know its not a real talent contest, more of a tabloid-esque personality, freak show, but was anyone else wondering why Shaheen Jafargholi didn't win the final? Vocally better than virtually every X-factor or Pop Idol contestant there has ever been in this country and significantly better than Susan Boyle, what on earth happened??

My money is on Shaheen being whisked off to the US to develop a long-standing music career. Lets hope he can write songs too!

Now when's Big Brother starting....

Jam in Camden

What could be better than a sunny May Day bank holiday mooching around Camden Market? Try a Sunday night at the monthly UK Soul Jam, at Camden's fabulous Jazz Cafe. This was my first time to Soul Jam. Being a school night, Sundays for me normally mean an early night in bed with The Sunday Times for company. Instead, I was lapping up some of the great new talent on show.


UK Soul Jam is a monthly night for showcasing acts, with an open mic/jam session later on. First up was a very impressive, funky, original-sounding singer/song-writer by the name of Raff. So when I got back home to Shropshire I was keen to find out more. Maybe I was too quick off the mark, but despite my finely-honed googling skills I couldn't find anything, nada. Fortunately just over a week later I managed to track down his myspace page with a handy link to his single on itunes.

But I couldn't help wonder why it was so difficult to find details of a really good act, following a showcase night. Contrast this with Kaana Ellie and the Remedies. Now, I'm not even really sure which band they were (the cosmo's are very strong at the Jazz Cafe), but since giving my email address Ive been sent future gigs, myspace details etc, via personal emails from Kaana. But out of the 5 or 6 acts showcased, they are the only ones that collected our details. Another fine example of working it - the supporting act at Basement Jaxx recent Birmingham gig were giving out free cd singles.

So, my point is...wicked night out in Camden and I would definitely recommend it. Undoubtedly, more of the acts need to up their game, in terms of promo. These are tough times for the industry but newbies need to get creative and make better use of modern technology. It's not rocket science, is it...

The Real Bucket List

I went to a funeral today. I have been to many funerals in my thirty-something years. It's said that death is the only thing certain in life. That, and taxes of course.

I have been to many funerals where people have known they were dying eg. of long-term illnesses, like my Grandfather's cancer thirteen years ago, and funerals where people have died suddenly - no warning.

Today's funeral service was for someone who had battled with an illness her whole life - sickle cell anaemia, and had been threatened with death on many occasions in her thirty-something years. But this last time it was for real. So, when she was told she had two weeks to live, she wrote her own bucket list. Actually, not so much a bucket list, but a list of people that she wanted to speak to before she was unable. Phone calls, meetings, and a final farewell chat with her local church family - which was videoed and played at the funeral, were all a part of her preparing and saying goodbye in a dignified and positive way, smiling to the end. At the end of the service one of my closest friends who was sat next to me gave me a big hug and said " let's not wait until then to show how much we love each other". I couldn't agree more.

I have been to many funerals, and it's fair to say I'm not a big fan of them, generally. But when people can truly and honestly say that someone's death had the same unequivocally positive impact that their life had, on everyone they came into contact with, that's pretty amazing.